“Blame is just a lazy person’s way of making sense of chaos.” Douglas Coupland, Canadian novelist and artist.

Chaos best describes our second vaccine dose ordeal on the 41st day since the first. It was only announced (on Facebook!) 9 hrs. prior to the site opening in the morning at our nearby Jocotepec Community Hospital. 1st come/1st served for the 60 + yr. old’s who had had their first Chinese Sinovac vaccine (a total of 4,200). All prior talk about alphabetizing arrivals went out the window.

Our first “jab” was an 8-hour exercise-in-waiting, but at least by 3pm medical staff had vaccinated 500 people. This time around, the only way to describe our experience is, and pardon my vulgarity, it was a total cluster F*$&k! In retrospect, we were smart to arrive early; well over 1,000 would show up on this first day.

A time line format:

7:30 am – We arrived at Jocotepec Hospital; the line outside on the Carretera  was already close to 200. Doors scheduled to open at 10:00 am (notice there’s no shade).

A much-admired Mexican trait is witnessing the elders waiting online who are attended to by devoted family members watching over them; trying to keep them as comfortable as possible.

9:00 am – Our friend, Nancy, joined us and blessedly arrived with coffee

11:15 am – Doors open at last and the crowd surged (The Word of the past year!)

Noon – Vaccine finally arrived with full Military escort

1:30 pm – The gates to the Land of Oz open for us and we enter onto the hallowed grounds; our names confirmed from their list; our paperwork was checked over. Mexico loves its paperwork and por favor, anything/everything in triplicates.

*** Note: All during this time we moved by centimeters under a scorching, unforgiving sun; temps shooting up into the high 80s with stifling, unhealthy air quality. Water bottles were passed out and at long last, folding chairs were supplied (remember, it was the over 60 crowd).

1:45 pm – Excitedly, we enter the tents, located up a long hill (alas, pity the people with canes, arthritis and wheelchairs) and took our seats. Rows of 5 – 20 deep. The sitting game begins.

Two hours pass without any information regarding the delay. There were no nurses and only two young ladies organizing the collected paperwork from the first group before us. Btw … no food available to purchase on the hospital grounds.

At this point in time, I became a little impatient (who, me?!). I started talking to any staff that would listen, but everyone’s attitude was, “It’s not my job, man!”

3:15 pm – (could you bust?!) One of the staff who was verifying and writing out the temporary vaccine certificates told me their instructions were that once all the certificates were completed, then and only then, the vaccines would be given. This was totally unacceptable. And thus, my breaking point …

I found a very vocal ally, a Mexican woman that played bad cop to my good cop. She was fuming, too. We formed forces and quickly strategized. We’d start a “Revolution.” Our strategy – “You stand over there and I’ll go over to the other side.” The two of us then began the call to action, leading us elders, whistling, shouting and clapping, chorusing, “VA-CUN-A! VA-CUN-A! VA-CUN-A!! It was a rousing and deafening roar. Mexicans (and 98% of the gathered were nationals) love their protests and happily joined the fray. Who’s afraid of a little spirited revolt!

We confronted the head director with our complaints and his complacency (he was oblivious to it all) and pointed out the inefficiency of his system. He stood his guard alongside his bodyguard – an army man with his automatic weapon. His reply was excuse after excuse. Not acceptable. Me and my compadre, we’re like, NIKE’s “JUST DO IT.” Thankfully, things didn’t come to a blow.

And where was Señor David during the revolt? Calmly seated and serenely posed in his Zen State. Herein a note: In his defense and response, David says, “I half-heartily piped in, muffling a few ‘VA-CUN-As!’ beneath my mask. And a clap or two.”

3:45 pm – The ninja nurses showed up and quickly jabbed everyone – anyone with their certificates completed could leave after a watchful half hour’s wait (!!).

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4:00 pm – We’re OUTTA HERE … in our car, on the way to town to El Rincon de Frida restaurant for a well-deserved very late lunch/early dinner. Their delicious, homemade ginger/lemonade drink really helped quench our thirst.

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Sadly, probably less than 300 people got vaccinated this day. Numbers were given out to all; this allows one to report again the next morning. I drove past the following morning on my way to Costco and the line was much longer this time.

Being fully vaccinated gives us a sense of security, but will still carry on with safety protocols of mask wearing and safe distancing when all possible.

And, our only side effect? We’ve experienced major cravings for Chinese Food!  

And lastly, where were the Mariachis when you need them?!